Capable of Being

Sometimes I don't pay as much attention to my feelings as I should.  I'm not exactly the most empathetic of people at times, but I seem to find ways to sell myself short most of all.  Being senstive to kinesthetics is a huge aspect of being self-aware, but it's probably my weakest area.

From time to time, I'll find myself doing things I don't enjoy, backed into corners I don't want to be, supporting things I don't believe in.  As I wake up and look around and ask "why am I in this?" it seems that not tapping my feelings is one way I got off track.  For someone formally trained like myself, that's a harsh reality.  So I'm going back to the basics.

The first step is to Identify. What are the feelings and reactions that don't quite seem to fit?  What doesn't smell right?  If things are jumping out at you, look for those endeavors where you got started fine, but lacked follow through.

The second step is to Orient.  Is the feeling applicable to who you were, who you are, or who you want to be?  Is it something that is just familiar and habitual?  Once you understand which way the feelings are oriented, pushing you into something, pulling you away from something, you can respond.  It is just as common for a fear to be a good thing pushing you to commitment and intensity.

The last step is to Imagine.  Once you have opened your sensitivity to your feelings and intuition, and you have oriented that feeling with an action or a behavior or a decision, then you are free to imagine the results of your responses.  This most often takes the form of "What would happen if...?"

This little question, when built on the clues about what you want in your life given by your intuition and feelings, is the key to planning your response.  Start by sticking to what you enjoy.  What makes you happy.

The most common response to this, is that "I can't make a living doing that".  Do it anyway.  Do it in any way that you can.  The happier you are, the more you will accomplish.  The fuller your life will be.  It's surprising how little in life we really need when we are pursuing that which we truly value.

Sometimes the thing people are most frightened of is who they are capable of being. They are simply afraid of how powerful and brilliant they can truly be.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
- Return to Love by Marianne Williamson

This was the refresher I needed to listen to my own sense of self.